Dealing with demons

June 27, 2009

in Life

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Another childhood friend is getting married in a few hours.

I’m happy for her. But, what started as a tidbit of information for my mother, plunged into something deeper.

“So, there goes another one of your girls, huh Josh?”

I was never really interested in my friend who’s getting married, not romantically at least. My mother knew that as well, but her comment hit home.

I’m 25 and alone.

Sure, 25 is young-ish. But it’s not that young. It’s no longer a valid deflection.

I looked up from the table after realizing what my mother said, and thought, “she’s right.”

Another wholesome, loving, gorgeous, everything-you’d-want in a wife woman off the market, while I sit around and mope. Pretty much anyone I’d ever considered as marriage material in my life is either married off or likely with the one they will marry.

And for the first time since being single, the thoughts of alone aren’t about missing her, they’re deeper than that.

Thoughts of loneliness shifted to thoughts of friends who have passed away, all because a song came on the radio.

Music is a scary thing. The people and places our minds can recall all from a simple verse and melody.

Yet, instead of the usual onslaught of depression I typically feel when going down the path I usually try to avoid tonight, though sad; I feel an odd sense of peace I can’t quite explain.

  • Annette
    hells yeah, peace! i'm planning on being alone until at LEAST 30! I've got too much shit to do before I 'settle down.' C'mon! One of my favorite 'I'm-in-this-Facebook-group-just-to-tell-the-world-that-I-agree-and-not-because-I-actually-know-anyone-else-in-it-or-care-beyond-that' groups that I'm in is "Everybody I know is getting married. I'm just getting drunk," or something to that effect. A.K.A. my current life motto. Who'll be laughing in 3months-10years when they're all getting divorces and we're still kickin' it, living large, and doing all the things they would have done if they hadn't had gotten married first! Bwahahahahha! As one of my friends once said: when life hands you lemons, find someone whose life handed them vodka.

    We should DEF get together for drinks, ranting, raving, etc. when I'm back stateside, come September 23rd. I'll be wanting to quiz you on all things political, all things Oregon, and all things blogosphere. Sheesh, how nerdy am I? :) What WHAT!
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